As with many other (physical and otherwise) movements in my life, I walk fast. Due to this tendency, I sit here in a much disgruntled state with a slightly fatter than usual lip.

There are doors which declare quite proudly they are Automatic; this, to me, is an indication that they automatically swing open as you walk through them. I’ve never gone to war with one of these doors and so I assume that this is happening today only because I have started to walk faster.

Newton said: The rate of change of momentum is proportional to the resultant force producing it and takes place in the direction in which Maha is heading of that force.

In Mahanese, that means that when I am walking toward the ‘Automatic’ door, I don’t change my rate of momentum because I (wrongfully) believe the door and its declaration of Automatic-ism. The only way I would believe otherwise, to assume that the door is in fact a LIAR, is if my intentions were equally fib-induced.

Like, if I was walking at full speed toward the ‘Automatic’ door, knowing fully well that at the last moment and only after it had opened, would I take a hike and not walk through it, choosing to instead quickly scurry to the right of the door, remaining outside and then loudly mocking the ‘Automatic’ door and its naivete. But I’m not like that. Also, kindly note that I always maintain the same amount of momentum propelling me forward.

Newton went on to say that: A physical body will remain at rest, or continue to move at a constant velocity unless an outside out of service ‘Automatic’ door net force acts upon it.

Since I move forward towards all ‘Automatic’ doors at the same rate of unchanging momentum, it is safe to say that my physical body is not at rest and is moving at a constant velocity. Because I am a muppet and I never possess the intention of slowing down until I am at my destination, I tend to walk around, through and over anything that may be considered a ‘net force’ (this includes people, most notably those for whom I have little regard, little time and zero interest and so don’t stop to chat with, but instead offer the passing white lie “Hi! How nice to see you” as I continue to move forward at the same alarming rate, flavoured with a slight swivel of my body to face said individual but never actually stopping or slowing – though, arguably, the swivel motion would cause a break in mahaerodynamics and so a slight slowing of pace may be unavoidable damn those I don’t care about).

I forgot what I was writing.

OH! Right.

The final of Newton’s laws is the simple notion that: To every rapidly moving Maha action there is an equal and opposite Maha smashing into and ricocheting off of the ‘Automatic’ door that is out of service reaction.

When one adds Newton’s Laws to my behaviour and places them in front of an out of service ‘Automatic’ door ON WHICH THERE IS NO FRIKING SIGN INDICATING THAT IT’S FRIKING BROKEN, one becomes witness to me smashing my entire body – face first, please – into the ‘Automatic’ door, ricocheting back off the door and then standing dumbfounded (not unusual, I admit) amidst the human traffic while pontificating over the eternal and necessary philosophical puzzle of ‘ WTF?’ before proceeding to use all of my force in an effort to push my way through the Clearly I’m NOT ‘Automatic’ Today door, which is lighter than it appears, and so flies back to hit me a second time (in the face, please).(1)

(The above could serve as a metaphor for how I live my life.)

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(1) No Mahas were seriously injured during the research and writing of this blog entry.