Parents roasting tomatoes over a friend's fire
.1. Do you keep forgetting that your momma and poppa are individuals before they are parents? That they had and continue to have dreams and that they may look at their lives today and wonder what happened to those dreams? How they fell through? Why they didn't work? How life isn't all it's cracked up to be?
Do you forget that they also have fears? That sometimes, their actions and reactions are filled with terrors that we might not recognise because we expect our parents to be fearless?
I do. Occasionally, I forget.
So, I'm asking you to take a step back with me...remind ourselves that although we sometimes believe that the actions of our parents are entirely centered around us, they are also, in great measure, centered on them as individuals before them as parents.
& if you already knew this, then you need to start a blog and start telling my ignorant ass.
(Exercise patience, please.)
.2. Dear Man Who Emailed Me Asking Me To See More Pictures Of Me Because You Think I Am Pretty:
I have your email.
I FaceBooked your email. (Something you may consider creepy, but that my friend M would call 'crafty'.)
I noted that you are married, with children.
Please direct this sort of attention to your wife, not me.
Thank you.
- M
.3. It is astonishing how the moods and spaces of those we love affect our own. Baby J is walking through a relatively delicate and difficult situation, and I am doing my best to walk alongside her. Sometimes, I walk behind her and push her forward, other times I run ahead and drag her along. Always - I hope and I try - to behave with understanding and patience; the reality of this sentence I leave to her discretion.
Earlier this week, she experienced what I can only call an entry of toxicity into her life; a toxicity that I reacted to on an extremely visceral level, and one which I carried with me throughout the course of my day and into my night; on her behalf, because I love her, because I respect her, because I am proud of her, because I do not wish to see her hurting. Also, because - as many of my friends have noted - I have zero tolerance and react with a ferociseness (not a word, but should be) when I feel as though being taken advantage of is someone I love.
A long time ago, someone said that "dealing with a friend's problems is like sitting around their fire and inhaling their smoke". Although I can't in fact remember who said that, I do recall it was said in derogatory fashion, as an indication that we shouldn't have to deal with the problems of our friends all of the time, some of the time, part of the time.
I call bullshit on that sentiment. The true meaning of friendship is unyielding support and sensitivity to the problems of our friends all of the time, some of the time, part of the time, no matter that we may be "inhaling their smoke".
If you don't recognise that being invited to sit around someone's fire is something to be cherished then you are an unworthy idiot.*****
.4. I recently took a new direction in my life (one which, literally, witnessed me throw up in a snowbank upon the decision taking & making. Sexy.); this is the reason I have been quiet. I will not write about the decision or the move, but I will only make this small mention here as a gentle reminder to myself. It is documented.
.5. Dear Sugar Plum Grape Tomatoes:
I love you.
- Maha
==========
*****This sentiment does not hold true for people who tend to invite everyone, including the kitchen sink, to sit at their fire. I believe these sorts of individuals tend to be exhibitionists who have a fire only for show, and are usually in and out of my life within 24 hours. I don't want to sit at their fire because that means that I am not sitting at the fire of someone who cherishes my presence. (Even in friendship, the value we see in one another must go both ways; otherwise, one of us is a chump.)
Do you forget that they also have fears? That sometimes, their actions and reactions are filled with terrors that we might not recognise because we expect our parents to be fearless?
I do. Occasionally, I forget.
So, I'm asking you to take a step back with me...remind ourselves that although we sometimes believe that the actions of our parents are entirely centered around us, they are also, in great measure, centered on them as individuals before them as parents.
(Exercise patience, please.)
.2. Dear Man Who Emailed Me Asking Me To See More Pictures Of Me Because You Think I Am Pretty:
I have your email.
I FaceBooked your email. (Something you may consider creepy, but that my friend M would call 'crafty'.)
I noted that you are married, with children.
Please direct this sort of attention to your wife, not me.
Thank you.
- M
.3. It is astonishing how the moods and spaces of those we love affect our own. Baby J is walking through a relatively delicate and difficult situation, and I am doing my best to walk alongside her. Sometimes, I walk behind her and push her forward, other times I run ahead and drag her along. Always - I hope and I try - to behave with understanding and patience; the reality of this sentence I leave to her discretion.
Earlier this week, she experienced what I can only call an entry of toxicity into her life; a toxicity that I reacted to on an extremely visceral level, and one which I carried with me throughout the course of my day and into my night; on her behalf, because I love her, because I respect her, because I am proud of her, because I do not wish to see her hurting. Also, because - as many of my friends have noted - I have zero tolerance and react with a ferociseness (not a word, but should be) when I feel as though being taken advantage of is someone I love.
A long time ago, someone said that "dealing with a friend's problems is like sitting around their fire and inhaling their smoke". Although I can't in fact remember who said that, I do recall it was said in derogatory fashion, as an indication that we shouldn't have to deal with the problems of our friends all of the time, some of the time, part of the time.
I call bullshit on that sentiment. The true meaning of friendship is unyielding support and sensitivity to the problems of our friends all of the time, some of the time, part of the time, no matter that we may be "inhaling their smoke".
If you don't recognise that being invited to sit around someone's fire is something to be cherished then you are an unworthy idiot.*****
.4. I recently took a new direction in my life (one which, literally, witnessed me throw up in a snowbank upon the decision taking & making. Sexy.); this is the reason I have been quiet. I will not write about the decision or the move, but I will only make this small mention here as a gentle reminder to myself. It is documented.
.5. Dear Sugar Plum Grape Tomatoes:
I love you.
- Maha
==========
*****This sentiment does not hold true for people who tend to invite everyone, including the kitchen sink, to sit at their fire. I believe these sorts of individuals tend to be exhibitionists who have a fire only for show, and are usually in and out of my life within 24 hours. I don't want to sit at their fire because that means that I am not sitting at the fire of someone who cherishes my presence. (Even in friendship, the value we see in one another must go both ways; otherwise, one of us is a chump.)
Labels: Dear whomever, Family, Friendship
posted by one female canuck at 10:45 AM
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