Back in Austin (.5 of day 1)

I'm typing this while seated at Austin's best coffee 'house' - which is, in fact, more like an open air wooden wanna-be-bar. Really, Jo's looks as though it has the dream of being a bar when it grows up, only its growth (lucky for all of us) has somehow and somewhere along the line been emotionally stunted. Instead of being a bar, it sits as The Place That Serves The Greatest Fkn Chai Latte Ever But Has High Hopes It Will One Day Spike That Damn Chai.

Taste gracious as that may be, I'm not drinking chai. Instead, I am drowning myself in chamomile citrus tea and a truckload of honey because today is the first in four days where I have started recovering from some perverted disease that began as a throat / ear infection, then took its gloves off and quickly became a chest / sinus motherfkr. Also, I'm eating a jalapeno pepper cheddar cheese scone, which tastes as great as anything can taste when one's sinuses are taking a nap at the bottom of their feet.

Point is, I made it to Austin.
I am here. Hurrah.
(And tomorrow I will be seated at the FORTY YARD LINE SECOND ROW.
Have I mentioned this yet?)

On the trip here, I was witness to some of the...fanaticism?...which will surround me tomorrow at the FORTY YARD LINE SECOND ROW. There was a couple on my flight - they were in head to toe matching Longhorns gear (Longhorns have foot gear, made of - can you guess, ma? - leather). For those of you living under a rock, or just in Canada, the Longhorns 'color' is pumpkin orange. These two were completely and conspicuously geeking it out in their pumpkin gear.

They were seated directly across from me in the wait lounge and I thought to perform my own secret Longhorns-specific handshake, but boarding started (I place my index fingers next to my temples and pretend I have longhorns - I plan on doing this every time someone looks at me during the game tomorrow).

But what comes after boarding, kids? That's right! It's The Plane Ride Of Death At The End of Which Your Ears Might Explode Off Your Head.

(Dear Mr. Pilot -

You're an asshole.

Fk you,
Maha)

In preparation for tomorrow, I took it upon myself to learn some interesting facts about Football. They are:
the game is played on a field with white lines;
there is a ref or two;
at least two coaches - one of whom is Coach Eric Taylor married to Tami Taylor;
there is a booster named Brad Leland pretending to be Buddy Garrity, only I am uncertain as to how he spells his last name and too damn lazy to Google (I'm sick!);
here in Austin, people dress as pumpkins;
I know the secret Longhorns handshake; and,
People like me.

No doubt these facts are enough to get me through the few hours seated next to strangers staring at a field of men in tights with huge helmets that make them look like bobble-heads.

Tonight, we're off to The Salt Lick Bar-B-Que Restaurant for some seriously traditional Texas (can you guess, ma?) Bar-B-QUE.

I am excited, as equally as the cows would be my guess.

**********
.1. A few choice pics from my Hotel San Jose and Jo's.
.2. I will do my best to update daily, but considering how lazy I am, don't bet your first born on that actually happening.
.3. Comments are still on moderation so will show up either late at night or early in the morning, only (Berry's off and internet only at the hotel or Jo's).

What's on your desk top?

Years back, I followed La Coquette's lead and posted an image of my handbag and listed all of its contents. I can't find the link to that post because I am nearing the 800 entries mark on this blog and I am relatively shit at on-line searches.

This year, I decided to try something different and so have instead listed the relatively boring contents of all that sits on my desk. Click on the following photo and you will be taken to the page where all 27 notes list the contents of the items you see before you. I understand this to be extremely exciting (I too may pee), please contain yourselves.



Feel free to do the same (note - in order to comment on flickr, you must actually have an account).

Carnivàle Lune Bleue

I wish to travel with the carnivàle, any carnivàle. Only, unfortunately, I'm not talented, so this is not at all a possibility. Instead, I can live vicariously through trips to random carnivàles, the world over.



L and I spent nearly six hours at the Carnivàle Lune Bleue, I coveting all who worked there and the undoubtedly sexy and hedonistic lives they (must!) live. Everything about this particular Carnivàle is sensual, seduction dripping off of every costume, southern accent, musical instrument, and constant sense of freak-show danger and threat.

The first three people we met were a belly dancer, a little person (their language, not mine) and a woman atop stilts. The music was burlesque in flavor and floating past our taste buds were clouds of popcorn, cotton candy and candied apple sticky sweetness. I was immediately stoned on happy and couldn't stop laughing the entire night through.

Our first stop was at Carnival Diablo, where we saw a woman jump over shards of glass, lay atop a bed of nails and be beheaded; where a man drank boiling water, pounded a nail through his nose, ran a hook through his (unusually large) tongue, hooked it to a mesh bucket of stones and raised the stones from the ground; where another man bent a steel rod with his teeth, had darts thrown at and tacked into his skin, sat in an electrical chair, placed his hand in a mousetrap, smashed a can of dog food over his finger (if ever there was a true fetishist, it is he...); and, where a third man swallowed swords (at which point, L started coughing in solidarity with) and fire.

Nikolai Diablo (the MC) was derangedly sweet, making me unsure as to whether I should cry or smile when he chose to focus on me while someone prepared something behind him. He pointed me out and then just stood at the edge of the stage and stared...and stared...and stared...before he stared a little more. He later came over and gave me the "head of the bottle" that he broke into pieces in preparation for the Countess who would walk through the glass. No surprise, he handed me the "head" from the crotch of his pants.

No matter that L and I laughed our way through that which didn't make her gag, this is not a show for children, but one which I highly recommend to the rest of you.

Running out of Diablo, we rode the carousel and the old-fashioned ferris wheel before we skipped into the Cirque Maroc tent. While on the Ferris Wheel, I took this for you, so that you might join us on the ride:



...and while on the carousel, we attempted to take pictures. Have you ever tried to do this? It is, to say the least, tricky as you are never at level, hence this wonderful photo of L and I looking as though she is two storeys beneath me:



Cirque Maroc is a visual and auditory feast, with two MCs, one of whom I wanted to bring home and make my best friend (the slightly pudgy funnier, softer, cuter MC). It was, much in the spirit of Cirque du Soleil, an absolute wonder, with two women of particular note: one who plays with / slides up and down / contorts around a hanging rope, and another woman who creates majic when her body collides with a hamster wheel for humans. I know it's not technically a 'hamster wheel', and it is in fact a 'german wheel', leave it to the Germans to come up with what is possibly a torture instrument or a fetishist's fantasy a rather massive rolling wheel made for people.

L had her fortune read as I made fun of the cards ("...are those refugees crossing a river? Is that a British 'bobby'? Is your fortune teller high? Do you believe this shit? I think he's high...awesome...") and sat in the bus. This bus. Which still runs. And is, in fact, the real bus from the Nightmare on Elm Street films:



We ate dinner beneath the tent, at The Cookhouse, L feasting on thick orange soup and I on Moroccan chicken while listening to The Unsettlers, whose music reminded me of the genius that is Polish punk band Gogol Bordello. I was mesmerized by the combination of their music, the cool air, the spicy food, the woman on stilts, the man playing with fire, thinking to myself that these people must be having sex with one another randomly and everywhere and all at once and what a strange and free and unusual and extremely seductive world that is the Carnivàle.

I loved it.

And to perfectly illustrate the strange weather one walks into at the Carnivàle Lune Bleue, watch and listen carefully, with particular attention paid at around the 56 second mark:



Two special shout outs to two of the carnis, first to the woman wearing a hat and glasses ushering us into the Cirque Maroc tent, you are hilarious and brilliant with your stuttering naivete, and I can't help but wonder if you married your cousin who is also your mum's uncle and best friend, and to the young gentleman who runs the shooting game, you are simply perfect at your job.

Two further recommendations: (1) go immediately; and, (2) then come again next year. I most definitely will.

**********

Find the official Carnivàle Lune Bleue site here, please.
All photos from L & I's adventure found here.
Carnival Diablo
Cirque Maroc
The Unsettlers (they are brilliant and I can not stop listening to their cd)

schmap(dot)com

Check this out - the good folks at schmap(dot)com used (with my permission) my photo as a part of their guide to TIFF. It's the only non-celebrity girl shot no matter that I am a celebrity in my own head, really...or to mama....



Please take a peek at their site if you're heading to TIFF...or if you need anything else...

Calgary

It was my first time visiting Calgary and I loved it. Surprisingly, Calgary is a lovely and calming place (notwithstanding their crazy Conservative politix).

Most of my trip was spent with R, who is the sister of my uncle's wife. R was married nearly ten years back and due to a move to Kazakhstan and the birthing of four children, we rarely maintained touch. But, seeing her after nearly twelve years proved that real friendship does in fact span time, no matter the clock's ticking.



Her children are joys to be around; the youngest one being Jennah who reminds me of Maggie Simpson as she is constantly with a bottle in her mouth.

Here are The Babies:





And here is Jennah (also, with bottle):







R's husband was so nice and so warm and so welcoming that I couldn't ask for more. They make a lovely couple, see:



I gifted Jennah the world's greatest gold lame crack that she wore from the moment she awoke to the moment she slept. More importantly, I gifted the household a new garden!! I am both proud of and excited by this choice. Now, inshallah no one will forget to water the plants and they will live a long and healthy life, reminding R and Co. of I each summer when they bloom.

Due to certain circumstance, there were some very difficult moments that remain beyond my comprehension. What I can say about that is that it's reinforced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that any decision making process shared between partners must stem from the same value system. (Otherwise, you're completely f*cked.)

Almuhim. I have some highlights to share, as follows...

.1. GEESE!!



.2. This is the Calgary Tower:



...of which the top left hand corner is made of super duper strong plexi-glass or something like it (this, I hear, is the scientific term):



When you reach the top of The Tower, you can walk out on to this plexi glass thing and see ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE STREET! (This excites me.) Equally as important, if you stand beneath the plexi thing all the way down on the street and you have a very strong camera, you will see up the skirts of good people such as I. There is no getting around this, as I discovered.

Right. So I am by no stretch of the imagination a trepidatious person, or someone who doesn't appreciate risk taking. I do it all the time and am prone to diving head first because I am of the opinion that time is precious and one should spend it doing and being with the things that make them happy and sunshine-y. So...it was with great surprise that I couldn't make myself take an actual step on to the plexi platform while looking ALL THE WAY DOWN at the concrete. Instead, I had to stare straight ahead, walk to the side and then look down. It was totally trippy. I loved it.







...the best two pictures involve Aaminah.

The first is of her completely and totally floating in air:



while the second is of her standing next to spider man:



R had been there before but she had never been able to make it out on to the plexi platform. I coached her and she made it. Also, I coached some random woman who was absolutely mortified but managed to do it - she told me I had a fantastic way about me and trustworthy. (That's how you represent Islam, Kitties...) That interaction was as trippy and as fulfilling as the plexi platform, but that's just me.

Look! Muslims!
>> They're just like You! <<
They sit on plexi platforms!



Also, while at The Calgary Tower, I signed something (I don't know what)



Got busy



& discovered that when My People aren't terrorizing Your People, We can be found seducing You into submission



.3. We played in Banff













.4. I wrote at the feet of Lake Louise













.5. I went to visit Na.oh.mi in Edmonton and realized that there's few people with whom we can share so much of ourselves so easily. Na.oh.mi is one such friend. She and Jason are soon moving to Calgary and so this little home of theirs will be no more.







Edmonton took Na.oh.mi and I on a wild goose chase for a Dairy Queen (skor blizzard, please), a trip to Rona, lunch at Da*de*oo's, deep conversations about de-weeding one's garden, three episodes of Arrested Development and the world's yummiest miso salad dressing.

And finally...

.6. I made a new friend, who:
- introduced me to RAW BEEF (a.k.a. Beef Tenderloin Tartar) that I find myself craving right now
- told me how gasoline lamps function (I used to think it was by magic alone!)
- let me drive their Lexus GS350, a car that starts WITH A BUTTON! You push a BUTTON! (My New Friend likes toys and so also has a Porsche 911 S convertible. Lucky for them that I can't drive stick, or else I would have been all over the Porsche...)
- met Bambi with me
and
- showed me that Calgary was in fact secretly Tuscany

All in all, the trip was as close to perfect as I would have liked it...

Final Notes on NYC

.1. Because when I think of Unions, it seems a propos that NYC come to mind.



.2. Stare at one spot on the tracks; as soon as there's movement in the periphery, your eye picks it up and there's your rat. (That's the trick.)



.3. More breakfast! (Fresh yogurt & fruits, a croissant and a fruit plate. It was a little much, but who am I not to take one for the team?)

As you can see, I had my agenda / diary so as to jot down my random observations and Shoosh's laptop (because I left Baby Mac at home); I was trying to write out my notes re a review of War, Inc. and instead drowned in the latte.



.4. BALL GAME!! (This is the stadium which is to be torn down so that it may be replaced with a shinier version.)

Yankees played the Red Wings.



.5. We dropped by The Coffee House for a thick and gooey breakfast, where I quite possibly took the best photo of Sharshoor, ever.



Three things to note re The Coffee House. Shoosh nearly took out the hostess because she was so busy texting on her BlackBerry that she ignored us for a little too long. Without warning, Shoosh turned to me and said: "Shoo hay 7aywaneh?" which literally translates to "What is she, an animal?", but actually means "What? Is she an idiot?"

Shoosh is full of fire and energy and so her tone was easy enough to read; Hostess put down her BlackBerry (because your a$$ is so important that you need to text immediately? (To which the natural response is, of course, because our a$$es are more important and we need to be sat down asap. I see my own indulgence here...)) and sat us down without any more texting.

It was the day the Netherlands lost to Russia and the two loudest, drunkest and most obnoxious men in the joint took a liking to us. They were a little on the wanker side and wearing what can only be described as attire meant to birth Rock 'n Roll imagery. I don't mind a man who drinks once in a while, but he'd better know how to hold his liquor. These guys didn't have a clue and at one point, one of them came over to our table and grabbed my sunglasses before I quietly and quickity split took them out of his hand and didn't respond to any of his questions so as to not give him any ideas or allusion that I was interested.

Much more endearing than the drunken slobs were a couple seated across from us. They couldn't take their hands off one another and it was absolutely adorable. It worked, I think, because they both had the same colouring and they were young and cute and so into one another they didn't take notice of anyone else in the joint. There was a playfulness in the way they interacted and a comfort that engaged anyone who looked at them. (I'm all for public displays of affection when you're not obscene and recognise it doesn't suit everyone. It's like The Dress That Borders Sl*t (TDTBS); some women can wear TDTBS and own it like no one's business because they have an inherent class in the manner they carry themselves. Others wear TDTBS and look like prostitutes. Same goes for PDA.)

.6. I call this Shoosh's Glamour Shot and Adeebo's Crazy Eyes Shot. Love it; it's now hanging in my office.



.7. Night out at some club on Park Avenue because most of the boys in the circle are bankers. (LOOK! I have on eye make-up!!)



Best part of the evening was when one of the guys decided to tell me that what he did for a living was: "Build companies."

I lost my sh*t and laughed so hard he couldn't help but laugh with me.

"Build companies"?
My response was: "That's like telling me you occupy countries. That says nothing to me except about the size of your ego, guy."
Lucky for me I can deliver a joke and he can take it.
And I never deal where I refuse to play, so the rest of the interaction was light and fun.

.7. Met brother blogger HijabMan for a wonderful breakfast at the unGodly hour of 8.30 am on Sunday (my fault, this!) and was seated on the steps of St. Xavier church when I paparazzo'd (or is it: paparazzi'd, Espy?) him walking toward my NYC home...



He was handing out Sunshine to any one who would take it. Apparently, he had a hard time getting people to accept the Sunshine...but then I came along. And we all know I'm a HoneyPot. And that means I have enough charm to force you to receive the Sunshine. Three more lucky folks accepted the gorgeous flowers.

Before heading to breakfast, we went into St. Xavier to chill with Jesus.



...and this may very well be one of my favourite pics from the whole trip



(Note worthy: No implosion this time, either.)

(More note worthy: HijabMan's take on our morning basking in Sunshine.)

.8. Breakfast with more Sunshine.



.9. While en route to the Karim Rachid store, I saw this beautiful statue of the map of Palestine and stepped two feet in to ask "how much?" Only then I noticed that there were Hasidic Jewish folk praying in the back room of this Gallery. I've never been so frazzled and caught off guard; not even at an Israeli check point where you expect to be treated like shit because you're a Palestinian...probably because at the check point you're braced and expecting it.

I turned around and immediately left as I'm certain I wouldn't have been very welcome (had I enquired about purchasing even a map of what I consider Home).



...and finally... .10. Who doesn't love finding a Heart on the Street?



This trip to NYC has been among the best.
I feel in love with Shoosh all over again, and I love that I love Adeebo. It's always so hard if you don't click with your girls' men, but Adeeb is an amazing guy and their relationship is a treasure, Alhamdulilah.

(Aside: I forgot my favourite jeans at their place. I am still shocked every time I realize this; these jeans are like a second skin. They're perfect and I've had them for nearly three years. They're worn and torn and they've seen half the world with me...and currently, they are en route to Shoosh's mom's and I am awaiting the moment that I will greet and embrace them once again.)

Find the complete series of photos here.