At Chai Latte Diaries, a woman secretly mourns the death of a past suitor. A little at sea, she is uncertain of what to tell her husband and how to sort and process this pain.

…all endings trigger a massive cache of emotional roller-coaster-ing, re-imagining and re-visiting of our lives. Digging into psychology, philosophy & theology – what you are in fact staring at is a door not just suddenly slammed, but one that has vanished entirely. These doors of possibility – even when we have broken up, married another, had children – all doors of possibility somehow, psychologically, are corners which sit in our brain as a counter to the Ending of death. They are – again, BECAUSE the only one inevitable Truth is death – a form of self-preservation. A fight against the inescapable. A means of survival, imagined. A false sense of maybe perhaps possible control over everything over which we have no control.

Now. If you find yourself still thinking ‘what-if’ about your marriage in six months from today, then perhaps this death has served as a spotlight on the things in your marriage which need attention and fixing. It is on you to pay attention and to be mindful of this.

Until then however, you do owe it to both your husband and yourself to explain your sadness so that he is not internalizing, and misunderstanding your quiet and distance.

Comments here closed; all (private and public) comments welcome over at Chai Latte Diaries.

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Image courtesy of ThinkingOnScripture.