He was so pleased with his Albufeira mug that when we went to take a photo, he placed it directly in front of my face and waited for me to take a snap. Only, I asked him to move it because I am prettier. This is why I am laughing.

I’ve been reflecting on what my biggest lesson learnt is, stemming from these last seven months. While it’s proving impossible to distill such an outlier experience into one thing, I am able to at least know that one item weighs more than the rest, and it is that every single situation and experience in our lives is temporary. Absolutely no relationship or friendship, no thing, not one, remains static. (Except God, for those of us who believe.)

While my heart was heavy and mending, my mantra was “you know this feeling is temporary.” When I couldn’t find my breath, I clung to this sentence like a lifesaver. It helped exponentially. (Which says quite a bit when we consider that that impossible heaviness was in fact lighter than it could have been.)

What I hadn’t realized until this past week is that it’s not just the state of our feelings that are temporary, but equally too the state of friendships, and relationships.

While I understand that friendships and relationships are feelings, they are still distinct and on their own in my head. Because I like boxes and so in one box are Feelings, and another Beloveds, and yet another Relationships. My drift, you caught, yes?

Think of it in terms of the corporate veil (which is complete bullshit). You can sue a corporation, but not the individuals within it. INSANE because a corporation is in fact those very individuals; it does not exist without the humans. (Welcome to a system created to protect those who built the system.) This paragraph is merely intended to illustrate how ridiculous my brain is to not have made the connection before.

To preemptively understand and accept that my ‘at present’ will inevitably shift – both feelings and people – should bring with it calmer waters in future. I hope.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. The snooze button on Bumble. I joined for about an hour and then Snoozed. I don’t know if I’ll go back. It was overwhelming and Ramadan is in 5 or 6 days. I won’t be able to “Coffee in the day. Because you might be creepy.”
2. My father’s financial advice. Baba’s a money guy, so it helps when he tells me I have it all wrong.
3. More purging. A suitcase of items discarded today. Slow, but steady, it goes.

Ottawa | April 29, 2019

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