There are two intertwined feelings right beneath this surface – failure and resentment. Only today was I able to actually see them for what they are, though they have been simmering for the last few.

Now that I’ve labeled them, I’m hoping to understand their roots, that I might undo them. Unfortunately, I’m still struggling to get a clear picture. inshAllah in time, with the reminder that all feelings are temporary.

After a couple of hours walking amidst all of this neighbourhood’s green, we spent the evening with more family, catching up. The laughter was welcome, and helped alleviate a little bit of the weight I find myself carrying neither with will nor clarity.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. The yellow-headed bird that Deems and me watched for about 30 minutes as we sat by the water.
2. Ability to recognize when I need help, and then reaching out for it.
3. The shared excitement of making dates with my girls (even when it’s two weeks out).

Lethbridge | Day 206 | June 24, 2019

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