Iftar with baba and amo (the Arabic word for patrilineal uncle) was, as always, politics and religion fueled conversation. My brain always expands in such settings.

As promised, a brief wrap-up of the February Situation will be today’s piece; moving forward, I hope that there will only be inshAllah minor updates to provide, such as when the work is to begin, and its progress. Please pray / send energy asking there is no more trauma for either myself or momma.

The qualitative work which I am doing is the easiest to list:
– Triaging all insurance requests for information.
– Dealing with the construction company.
– Understanding my mother’s rights, regarding both two above.
– Maintaining a worksheet in which every detail and interaction is recorded. The base font is black, and from one week to the next, all edits are made in blue font. I send a pdf version every Friday, after which I change all font to black in prep for the edits of the week to come. The worksheet is nine pages long and it is our ‘bible’, if you will.
– Maintaining a photo and video diary of the situation.
– Checking on the house at most, every 48 hours.

With an anal-retentive attention to detail, there are only three and a half reasons I am able to perform the above, requiring some complete days, right through until dawn. First, because I am on sabbatical. Being on sabbatical, has afforded me an additional 9 to 5 daily, during which I was able to deal with companies whose working hours were also 9 to 5. (I won’t lie. Typing out that last sentence while I am meant to be on sabbatical makes me want to throw myself from my balcony.)

Second, I am faster than most people. I know my strengths and my weaknesses; the managing of this situation plays to my strengths because I am running it as a project manager.

Third and a half, a mastery** of writing, and a background in law. (**Yes. A mastery of it.)

I have support from family Rana and Rami (whom I have referred to as ‘Peppers’ in the past, reason being no one’s business but ours), copying them on every email interaction with both insurance and construction. To date, there have only been 322 emails, most of which went down across the last month. I have needed to tag Rami in twice, and he – from Dubai – has provided the support I need. Because Rana dealt with the beginning portion on the ground, she is able to fill in the gaps when my brain is fried.

I am trying my best to ask as little as possible from both Peppers, because they have already done so very much. Some days, that’s impossible, and they have served as a touchstone to my not feeling so alone in all of this. This knowledge – that I am not alone – is priceless; it, along with the knowledge that God has got me, are the glue holding me together.

That work above, that is the easy work to list. The following is not.

Emotional labour is defined as “the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a (job/relationship/any engagement, really)”. 

Because I needed to be on this during working hours, I cancelled all social engagements during the day, and suspended all travel until further notice. I have, at present, suspended all travel until further notice. I have not even considered what I will do to promote rose-water syrup. Due to the stress of these last weeks, I actually didn’t sleep and discovered, on some days, how lack of sleep might actually kill you / make you unhinged. Honestly, new mothers, HOW DO YOU DO IT? On a good night, I might have passed out for 2 hours before waking with a to-do list. I am trying not to break down in front of momma, and that’s nearly impossible when she is living with me at The Cloud Cave. At least I have the 9 to 5 to work that out, and solitary walks in the evening when I really need them.

I will not discuss the emotional stress and toll this has taken on my mother. I am doing my best to maintain her and make her feel as comfortable as possible. Carrying the burden of this situation would have possibly and without exaggeration, given her a heart-attack at her age. The only reason I am standing is because I still have fight in me, and time on my hands.

As things stand now, the clean-up crew is coming in on Monday to remove all things and prep the property for Phase 2, reconstruction. Though Phase 2 is not set to begin before 5 to 9 weeks out, I am hoping that this purgatory in-between will give me some room for a little calm and rest. inshAllah.

inshAllah. inshAllah. inshAllah.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. My first really and truly quiet day today since the insurance company made a hellscape of our lives on May 7th. I slept in, and read popcorn for my brain, and even did my toenails.
2. Not feeling alone. We know that loneliness kills people, and my heart goes out to anyone who is presently or ever feeling alone. Please reach out. Even if I don’t know you personally, please reach out – I promise to be here.
3. The strength which God continues to give me, to deal with this hellscape. Thank you for having me.

Ottawa | June 1, 2019

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