“Is there a time that you miss? That you could go back to?,” she asked.

There is. There is one particular moment to which I would love to return. This thing, it remains unsullied because it is linked to such an honourable and wonderful man of the greatest integrity.

I would be driving to meet this very first love, the one I still hold absolutely dearest above all others. To see him, I would take the highway, on which there is a span that dips. You wouldn’t know this if you exited before the dip started to curve back up and flatten, but because I always drove its length, I had awareness of the after.

The after is the moment to which I would return. After running the dip, the road slowly evens itself out, my car following. This change was signaled not in anything I could feel, but rather in what I would see up ahead – a particular suburb’s light-show.

I am playing Chet, Ella or Sting on my very awful sound system. They are my quiet companions who make me feel as though the world begins and ends with us, right here, in this little white car.

I am moments away from the exit, and I am so excited. Maybe I shouldn’t hold on to the steering wheel so tightly?

I am moments away from safety and peace and calm and all things right.

I am moments away.

That’s what I would go back to, if I could; the quiet knowledge that I was headed into the arms of mercy and peace, where nothing could harm me.

You?

Today, I am grateful for:
1. Those who do good for Allah’s sake (or simply because it is the right thing to do), without ulterior motives.
2. The time and space to do anything that I want, and free of any obligations other than those which I choose.
3. SDF. For continuing to be a man of such character and integrity, you will always be loved.

Montreal | Day 282 | September 8, 2019

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