Left is my current journal, ready to set on November 30th. Right is my next year’s fresh start. I am more than ready.

First day of the last month of The Sabbatical. Eleven months have passed, and I am equally as surprised as I am not so much. Again, it’s that Time conundrum which continues to be such a source of confusion.

A lifetime of experience and evolution have passed; though I would not change the circumstance which brought me to the door of The Sabbatical, I am grateful to have it in my past. Grateful that I never have to again engage such a situation.

Yesterday, I had a catch-up with someone whom I have not had a catch-up with, really, ever. But while asking me about The Sabbatical and last summer, I – for several seconds – drew a blank regarding the name of last summer’s situation. A full and complete blank. They were missing.

My gratitude was explosive.

While travelling, we visited a marked area known for its tumultuous waters. To experience it to its fullest, I had to be with a professional, and strapped so I wouldn’t fall over the edge of the waterfalls. I was introduced to him and I noticed that he was quite shy; only a simple exchange of formalities. He walked behind me as we moved toward the flat edge. Not understanding what was about to happen, a terrifying force of wave came for our feet, but before it could sweep me down and over, he had lifted me upwards and stood firm while the water passed over only his body.

When he put me down again, I was in shock about both the water, and the fact that he did exactly what needed to be done to keep me safe.

I had a hard time looking at him, and he left me to my comfort zone and peace. Catching me off guard, he kissed my cheek as acknowledgment of all that was unspoken, took my hand and led me further to safety.

His eyes were hazel, and his hair a sun-drenched dirty blond. I remembered.

He was the dream that launched me into another stunning and heart-filled day today. And he was the dream that reminded me how in March of 2018, I dreamt of another man who hid in shadows and watched me from inside of darkness, who in that dream felt like he would become my husband though he made me feel uneasy. He showed up in real life in May of 2018; a lawyer in my dream, he was a lawyer in real life, and he described himself as ‘someone who is in the shadows’. To my physical life, he brought all of the darkness and unease he carried in my dream.

I didn’t pay enough attention to the dream’s warnings. A thing which will never happen again.

Pray that the sun-drenched one finds his way to me as quickly. Pray that it is only and always safety now on for your girl – men who live in brightness, and who have nothing to hide.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. A particular look in someone’s eyes. When you think they’re handsome, and they think you’re nice to look at too, so they look at you in a very nice and curious and attentive way.
2. Dreams. Always, they remain a language of God.
3. Kellogg’s Corn Flakes in hot milk, a favourite winter time staple for me ❤️

Ottawa | Day 336 | November 1, 2019

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