Preamble: For those new here, salaat is the Arabic word for the physically defined movements and recitations which Muslims complete five times a day, whereas du3aas are the personal asks we make of Allah (any time of day/night).

In 2021, I was almost involved in a situation which demanded I lie to myself and find loopholes in my deen (because I am sometimes a dummy who dummies).

This meant that in my du3aas, I was trying to find a way to ask things of Allah which I knew were contrary to the allowances of Islam. So, while my du3aas were tumultuously riddled with a few different ‘I know I shouldn’t’, ‘forgive me’-s, and ‘but please…?’-s, my entire body was in a place of anxiety and panic.

When around people who are unsafe emotionally / spiritually, my body falls into anxiety (whether I hear and then listen to it is another matter). When I lie to myself and, here, to Allah, I become the danger to myself, not giving myself peace. If only I would remember this, I would save myself a lot of heart-ache I’m certain.

One of the worst things I can do is lie. Equally to others as to myself, the very act makes me want to split at the seams, and it’s the reason I am a Clarica commercial. I often go painfully beyond telling the truth, because it’s in that space that I find peace.

As I get older, I’m teaching myself to (1) stay quiet in certain circumstances if opening my mouth will bring unnecessary pain to others, and (2) to not lie, but rather protect a truth by offering an honest answer that is not going to disclose or unearth what does not need to be brought to light. This is an art and I am a novice. I’m a work in progress, alhamduliLaah.

What did you do tonight?
I went for a walk and practiced some music. Just got home, and I’m about to eat dinner. How was your evening?

No lies in above response, just missing information which serves nothing if it were disclosed. This is how we’re encouraged to engage in Islam – never ever tell a lie. First and foremost, try not to do anything / make a choice about which you’re going to have to lie. Like, live as honestly as possible, innit? Even for the most honest amongst us, this isn’t entirely always possible.

Now. If you must work around something, then find the workaround, but just don’t lie. Why? The obvious: it’s a form of betrayal first against ourselves and then against those to whom we are lying, and so it hardens hearts. But worse, is that our tongues will disclose every lie we have ever told as adults when the veil is lifted, whether we like it or not.

NO THANKS, BABES.

Sidebar: Re lying for others. Different opinions on this, but I’ve finally landed on what feels best to my nervous system. I’ve made the conscious choice to (without lying) provide suttor for others so that I might receive it from Him. Also, because telling the truth about ourselves or others oftentimes limits the ability for recovery and pivots. I want for everyone I love to have this grace. If this grace / space to amend and pivot is to be pulled, it will never ever again be done by me. God knows I have enough sh.t to sort where my own choices are concerned; who the fu(k am I to even think about harming another?

I believe that lying is rooted in not wanting to get into trouble, not wanting to be judged, or punished. Meaning, we lie because we are rooted in fear imagined or real. Even when we know what we’ve done is no bueno, most will still try to avoid the consequences because imagination is usually far worse than what will actually happen when we finally tell the truth.

(Which is why I find it so interesting when people “I don’t tolerate liars.” You ain’t never lied, Boo? Maybe what you mean is that you don’t tolerate manipulation? With this, I concur. Boundaries boundaries!)

Back to lying. Oftentimes a reflex to how we’ve been conditioned, since those who might be pathological are not as common as people would like to believe.

My hope for all of us is simple, loves – may we always work towards the courage to live a more honest life. May we always find ourselves in spaces surrounded by only those who would embrace everything we are with neither punishment nor judgement. May these people open our hearts to a more authentic life, where no part of us is ever in shadow. May we see how beautiful every single part of us is, most especially the parts which we may have been conditioned to hide in shame. May we continue to heal our shadow parts so that they are loved as equally as the parts we share so proudly with others. May we one day speak as loudly about the shadows as we do about the rest.

Right.

Imagine then my state while trying to face Allah and LIE TO MY SELF AND TO HIM. lols.

My prayers were jumbled, because my heart was covered.

Science has confirmed that neurons exist in the heart, and there is two-way communication between it and the brain. I believe that God sits in both (in fact He sits in all things), but the literal meaning of the word kaafir (“non-believer”) is s/he with a covered/unseeing heart, and so some have argued that it is with our hearts that we see Allah. For the ‘Western’ audience who creates a weird divide between the thinking/rational brain, and the feeling/emotional heart, this binary creates a hierarchy where brain is somehow better than heart. I refuse both the binary and the hierarchy.

Back in 2021, it quickly became clear that I was in an absolute fog. I didn’t really know what I was doing (this, a thing which happens often), so I reached out to Fatima to ask How can I make my du3aa better, more clear, more articulate?

Because du3aa is for us; it is not for Him.

It’s us getting clear on what our heart wants and then sitting back and deciding if this thing is really the thing we want, because “Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (Qur’an 2:216)

In 2024, again in the ‘West’, this is a rule of what is understood to be manifestation. For Muslims it’s just du3aa, and the energy field is Allah.

When I was lying to myself about a situation, I couldn’t get clear about my du3aa. Fatima’s answer was simple: Allah already knows what you want. He knows. Just ask Him for guidance, and clarity about what’s best for you, and to turn your heart in its direction.

Man, did she lift a weight.

Religion here is often seen as a bad thing, for the weaker.

I certainly agree with the latter. It is for the weak; for those of us in need of help. Show me one person who isn’t in need, and I will show you a liar whose ego outweighs their intelligence and well-being.

So this, a little reminder to all of us, myself first: reach out for all of the help that you need. Reach out when you know. Reach out when you don’t. He is All-knowing.

Remove the cover from your heart, everything’s going to be okay. I promise.

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