It was my Baby Jane’s special 30th birthday last September (for which I have yet to send her a gift, but I’m now thinking I won’t send it and will instead take it to her when I see her in the Spring). On that day, she received two strange birthday gifts.
Neither of these gifts solicited a same-reaction-as-Baby-Jane’s except mine. Something both of us found puzzling when I reacted as I did.
The first gift received was a ring. In a box. From her mother.
The second gift was an ugly, sorry Janey fertility god in the form of a fat baby Buddha with a bow on it’s head and made from some animal’s body part (the tusk of Dumbo, maybe?). Correct me here if I’m wrong, Baby.
Do you see a theme? Do you see a perhaps problematic theme?
Baby Jane did, and so did I.
Janey refused to tell me what her mother had gifted her, and instead chose to unveil it in order to see my reaction. My reaction that was one of shock and terror and complete disbelief. That ring should not have come from Janey’s mama; That ring should not have been gifted to any single woman except by that woman’s soon-to-be life partner, or herself if she decides that she wants a ring and doesn’t want to wait for a man to give her that ring.
I was in the kitchen for the unveiling and I nearly choked on the coffee I was drinking. And then Janey screamed a THANK YOU because no one else had seemed as dismayed by the gift in question. I’m not even sure if Janey wears the ring or if it’s sitting there in it’s box wondering where the sunshine is.
On to the fertility baby. Because? Because nothing says Happy Birthday quite like “because your womb needs all the help it can get, now that you’re close to barren, you sad and single thirty year old”.
Look. Both Janey and I understand that the fat fertility god was a very expensive antique, but honestly folks, you don’t give a fertility fattie to a single woman. And most definitely, not on her 30th birthday. If you do, then you should expect that she’ll hand you a box of depends on your 40th. And maybe some orthopaedics on your 43rd. Maybe.
(Happy Valentine’s Day from me, and a gentle reminder that you won’t be getting either a fat baby or a ring from me, but rather only what you deserve…and from the bottom of my heart, too.)
Maria Calvo said…
A fertility baby and a ring???? It may have been bad enough to get one, but then the get BOTH!!!! LOL!!! I think I would have had the same reaction that you two had……I love that Janey didn’t tell you and instead ‘presented’ it to you 😀
Happy Belated to Baby Jane!
hugs,
Maria
Thu Feb 14, 01:16:00 PM
Anonymous said…
right on all accounts mahi – I don’t wear the ring, its still in the box. The fertility baby is on display for comic relief – and you know…just in case. I’m too superstitious to look that gift horse in the mouth.
Your humour is right on the mark – as per usual.
xoxo
Thu Feb 14, 01:53:00 PM
Anjum (barsaat) said…
LOL! I would have had the same dismayed reaction as you Maha. I’m sure Mom meant well, but Noooooo!
Thu Feb 14, 03:38:00 PM
Anonymous said…
LOL, Maha! Your poor Janey – awesome that she’s still not wearing that ring, but that fat baby is hilarious!!!!
The worst gift I ever received was a pan. A fucking PAN to fry random shit in. People are stupid. -lily
Thu Feb 14, 03:56:00 PM
Anonymous said…
Com’on guys.. be fair here.. The Bhudda thing is offensive yes, but what is the problem if her Mom loved her enough to give her a ring? Who said a ring can only come from a man? The ring is a way to say I love you… Her Mom told her I love you, with a ring! I say your friend was lucky that her Mom loved her enough to give her something she thought she deserved to get.. maybe she was telling her if you did not yet meet someone smart enough to give you the ring, it does not mean you do not deserve it.. it means you just did not meet that person yet. I know you, I love you and I know you deserve it so here it is for you .. whether or not you meet that someone, it is always a reminder that you are loved…
Jane.. I suggest we give your poor Mom the benefit of the doubt here 🙂
yes.. as you may have guessed.. I am a MoM!!
BB
Thu Feb 14, 07:51:00 PM
Anonymous said…
Mom BB! That’s an interesting perspective and I think there’s a happy compromise here……the ring can come from mom and / or dad when the girl is really young? Like, maybe when she’s 16 or something and that way she sees it as a ring and not as a make up for the fact that she hasn’t already. It would be a pre emptive strike instead – one that tells her she shouldn’t ever expect to get anything from a man (not for too long, anyway ;)). Thoughts? Is your daughter/s young enough that you can still give her that ring 🙂 ? -lily
Fri Feb 15, 08:32:00 AM
Thomas said…
This is really interesting. I appreciate that Maha indicated you could buy a ring for yourself. But I really do like the idea that a parent would buy one for their daughter instead. Very akin to what Maha mentioned in a previous entry about the father being the first man to buy flowers for his daughter – perhaps the father could also be the first to buy his daughter a ring of this sort when she’s younger (the gift at 30 seems a little difficult :)).
I’m a man and I know that there are too many of us that are really poorly behaving now adays and if I can protect my daughter from the trappings of the sort of men I think many of you are forced to deal with, I will.
A ring is a great idea. The baby fertility thing, not so much 🙂
Maha, I am always so surprised that no man has been smart enough to give you that ring. You are such a ray of the warmest sunshine.
Thomas
Fri Feb 15, 10:24:00 AM