Dear Taylor Kitsch (& Readers & Dan Cone)
Dear Taylor Kitsch, From you, I have never once hid the fact that I am a cheating slut, nor that I would dump your exceptionally and perfectly curved bottom, in…
Category Archives: The Funnies
Zero. Fkn. Patience.
I went back to CrackBook well over a year ago. Since that time, they’ve changed their fkn layout like they’re piecing together a god damn jigsaw puzzle. Watch the bastards…
Kyle Chandler, Connie Britton & Taylor Kitsch: Friday Night Lights (again)
Are you watching Friday Night Lights yet? I have forced 7 friends to start watching Friday Night Lights – all but one are in love and in obsessive watching mode….
Not speaking in either the past unreal conditional or the future unreal conditional (as present tense is best)
The following is a conversation I had with a friend on Facebook; I have deleted her name for reasons of privacy. To facilitate your reading of this, please note that…
What defines “athlete”?
I have a crunch on something. Note that it is not a ‘one’, but rather a ‘thing’. That ‘thing’ is in fact WhiteBrook Boxing. I have a crunch on the…
Testing Newton’s Laws of Motion
As with many other (physical and otherwise) movements in my life, I walk fast. Due to this tendency, I sit here in a much disgruntled state with a slightly fatter…
Groundhogs don’t vibrate
I used to think groundhogs were cuddly and cute, until this past weekend when I started battling mama’s groundhog. Actually, he’s not my mother’s and I’m not quite certain it’s…
The Feminine Napkin Aisle: Friend or Foe?
Once a month, I turn into a buffoon for an approximate 48 hours. I don’t get mad, sad, angry or edgy, but rather clumsy and lacking all hand-eye coordination. I…
Dispatch no3: Toronto Engages in Love & Fertility (because we can’t on our own)
It was my Baby Jane’s special 30th birthday last September (for which I have yet to send her a gift, but I’m now thinking I won’t send it and will…
The Axis of Evil (Comedy Tour)
This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen…because we all know that it’s a rare day when an Arab (and specifically) a Muslim gets to be funny. What…
Bending Over The Line
Being at Bikram Yoga once a weekend allows me to focus my energy and my mind. It forces me to be still and really pull everything together for a minimum…
One Female Canuck With A Broom!
I am having difficulty expressing my extreme excitement re CURLING!. Luckily, I am capable of sitting long enough to write my first review of this fabulous sporting activity. Check back…
Conversations with little girls
This is Deema, my baby cousin aged 12. Last night, we had the following conversation that very nearly made me pee in my pants… Deema: Maha, I need to ask…
Dispatch no 1, Toronto: Nerd
Seated across from me on the airplane, I knew I recognized him but I couldn’t quite place from which television show. Because…it’s difficult to name That Canadian Actor under the…
Exploding chestnuts, flowers & cars
.1. My mouth attracts disaster. A few evenings ago, I roasted chestnuts. I was so tired and in my own head that I didn’t make the cuts in the chestnuts…
‘Marvin Under Glass’
This is my contribution to the world of hilariously pretentious art: Marvin Under Glass. (I am certain Marvin’s great great grandfather served as the muse to Kafka.) I am quite…
All Night Long
Because every once in a while it’s necessary for me to reinforce publicly the fact that I am a very big nerd. When I was six years old, I choreographed…
Magically Flushing Toilettes
That’s not their real name, but it’s what I’ve been calling them. They’re the super duper clean toilettes that are much too eager to flush all on their own. They’re…
Introducing Lulu
The Store Don’t let the daunting exterior of Joe Mamma’s dissuade you from entry. Although it appears skateboarder meets snowboarder meets bmxer (the three of whom are dudes) they are…
What’s in a name?
A snippet of last night’s conversation – Aalya: “I heard this kid call out ‘PARMINDER! PARMINDER! OVER HERE!’ and so I expected to turn around and see a little Pakistani…
Mama, The Riddler
When mama gets anxious or upset or nervous and tries to communicate in English, she sounds a little like Dr. Seuss. Exhibit A: ‘If I could tell her I would…
Panic at the German Town Deli
Around the corner from my French school is German Town Deli. I’ve always walked past and looked inside but never thought to actually traverse the threshold and enter, if only because…
Merde A La Puissance Treize!
Congratulations to Italy, the team that didn’t deserve to win. For the duration of the first 45 minutes, I fully expected Italy to win because they dominated the field, holding…
"Allez Les Bleus!"
.1. Zizou scored via penalty kick against Portugal today. Cristiano goes home, and I’ll be surprised if Figo sees the 2010 World Cup. It was a clean game, as futbol…
I shake my fist at the DAMNED penalty kick
I have always found the penalty kick to be the most disturbing aspect of a futbol match. When placed within the context of the World Cup it’s morally reprehensible. There’s…
World Cup no. 2 (True Story no. 1)
In the summer of 1994, friends and I rented a cabin and left the city during the semi finals of the World Cup (I WAS FORCED!). With us at the…
First bit cherried
Right. So this is where I get to be stupid and foolish, all the while writing out some bits about politics… Will be back later to write something interesting and…
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