Note: You will not finish any portion served up unless you’re from Texas; it’s not a joke that everything in Texas is bigger. I don’t understand how it is that Austin isn’t covered in immovable obese objects. (And by ‘objects’, I mean ‘people’.)

.1. Have a burger and some steak fries at the Casino El Camino – the theme is horror and the place is as kitschy as it gets; you will love it.

.2. Visit Shakespeare’s and ask for Dax, Joe or Jay-Dub. Tell them I sent you.

.3. Enjoy an ice-cold chai latte at Jo’s, which is an awesome place to hang out and people watch.

.4. Right before you head down to Guero’s to have a taco – I recommend the chicken al carbon taco. Thanks to Lisa for this tidbit: “Guero”, pronounced oo-ero is Spanish / Mexican slang for “white boy”, kind of like general slang “cracker”, also for “white boy”.

.5. Breakfast at Magnolia Cafe any time of day. Some of the best eggs benedict anywhere, though they are famous for the psychotically large pancakes, which are probably about 2.5 times the size of a normal pancake.

.6. Have a deep-fried chicken cone at The Mighty Cone “trailer”, which is what Canadians call a chip-wagon. It looks disgusting but is heavenly. (“Trailers” are a very commonplace and acceptable location to dine. Seriously.)

.7. Enjoy a breakfast taco at Torchy’s trailer.

.8. Try the banana bread and home-made ice-cream at The Driskill’s 1886 cafe & bakery (6th street). The serving size is, yet again, huge, with the cut of cake being nearly 2″ in thickness.

.9. Make certain to have traditional Texas bbq at Iron Works BBQ. They serve it with a piece of white bread, untoasted. I just sort of stared at mine and didn’t eat it, choosing to instead merely appreciate the extra carbs they’d decided to throw on my plate.