Crazy has a season

July 14, 2012 - Clumsy, Every Girl, The Funnies - Tagged: , , , , - 17 comments

And that season is summer. I have been completely lethargic and uninspired lately; short-tempered and arguably maybe a slight-bit-but-just-a-little-less rational than usual.

Me, I thought it was because I can sometimes be a bona fide crazy person. Turns out that above and beyond my natural brand of lunacy, there’s an environmentally inflicted one as well.

Take yesterday for example. When at a light and I am turning left, I move my car’s ass right to the middle of the intersection so that people behind me will also have a chance to make the turn before the light turns back to red. On a normal day, when the twat in front of me isn’t moving his twat-vehicle up to the middle of the intersection, I might get a little edgy.

Yesterday? Yesterday, my mum had to physically put me on lock-down because I wanted to get out of my car and knock on the driver’s window of the twat-vehicle to ask him if he was experiencing some sort of a twat-seizure and is this why you let us miss three green lights while you kept your twat-car behind the white line, Twat?

Here’s what you can expect to happen, emotionally:
– You are quick to lose your temper
– You have less ability to be rational
– You are more likely to succumb to emotional stress
– You are not so motivated

Basically, we turn into irrational, non-thinking, asshole sloths or something.

Dear Head of Science,

I think you should allow me to re-write all of your conclusions. You are free to pay me in steak and cookies.

Love,
Maha

Which. Imagine this coupled with being a female and having your period.

Pause. Are you offended that I reference the emotional upheaval experienced by women who have the periods? Are you shy to discuss that you have the periods, though you have a magic vagina? Because if you are either, then you are best to stop reading and maybe instead go visit a slightly more grey shaded website.

Play. Imagine this coupled with being a female and having your period?

What happens to you during the first 48 hours around your The Periods? Me, I lose all hand/eye coordination and start perceiving that things are in fact closer than they appear. This last sentence is not a metaphor, analogy, simile, or fucking (<-- see that? That's my short temper) allegory. Rather, I literally see things closer than they actually are.

Like also yesterday when I placed my completely full-to-the-brim coffee cup on my desk. Only I didn’t. I placed it on nothing and so it fell all over myself and keyboard and chair and ground. Coffee everywhere but on my lips, because I saw that the desk was in fact closer than it actually was.

I bump into things, bruise my arms and legs and generally lose a sense of space when in that 48 hour span. I also become sad. Very very sad. Now add to this the emotional crazy of a heat wave, and you have the makings of a failed serial killer who is stabbing far too far from her target and likely very slowly because she is a sad monkey-person.

With that visual, may you have a lovely rest of weekend.

———-
Sources:
Temperature Effects on Emotional Experiences and Body Language
Heat can have psychological effects
How does a heat wave affect the human body?