Gentlewoman’s Rules (aka How Not to be a Cad – Female Styles)

September 23, 2013 - Mindful Living, Mindful Relationships - 43 comments

personality.2.   Trust him. Unless he’s treated you in untrustworthy fashion, trust him.
.3.   If you don’t like something, then tell him. Don’t expect him to figure it out on his own or to read your mind.
.5.   Don’t flirt with other men to show him you’re desirable. He knows it, but if you need to do this, ask yourself if you know it enough.
.6.   There is nothing easier than getting laid and this is a choice you are free to make. Recognize that most men are binary; choose where you belong, then respect that choice. He will, too. (Caveat: If either of you change your mind, deal with it like adults.)
.9.   Don’t belittle or degrade him in public or in private. When you do, you are directly belittling and degrading yourself. If you can’t get behind this, you need to put down your glass of wine and see a specialist.
.10.   When he shows you vulnerability, don’t “do you want a tampon for that vagina?” him. Respect him and be gentle with him; only mature men are capable of engaging emotions traditionally afforded women alone.
.11.   If he doesn’t want to talk about it now, then drop it for now. Put a pin in it and schedule a later time.
.12.   Don’t argue in public. Don’t yell in public (if you can, don’t yell ever). Discuss it when you are home, quietly and respectfully.
.13.   Most men measure success in terms of their job and how they are perceived outside the home; find a man whose status depends equally on these, as well as the light in which you and his family sees him.
.14.   Don’t measure yourself by Sex and the City standards. If you really need a pop culture reference, use quality – see Friday Night Lights.
.17.   Don’t knitting circle your relationship. Seek only the advice of those in healthy relationships, people who love and respect you and your bona fide.
.19.   Don’t script in your head, not tell him about it, and then get angry when he doesn’t stand on the X.
.21.   Learn to receive. Afford him the opportunity to give freely and from an honest generosity of spirit rather than obligation.
.23.  Step up. Have Faith. Get on your knees and pray when you are confused.
.25.  Don’t play the damsel in distress (unless you’re in actual trouble). Don’t cry (unless you are genuinely sad).
.26.  Don’t ever hit him. Just because you’re smaller and you’re “the girl”, you never have the right to hit him. In fact, you never have the right to hit anyone. (But if he slams his fist into you, or grabs you by the throat, then by all means…so that you can run out and to a police station.)
.27.  Don’t compare yourself to the other women in the room. Don’t belittle, be rude to, degrade, or disrespect other women. Love the sisterhood; it is through us that men will learn to love and respect the sisterhood.
.31.  If he’s apologized about the past, LOVE OF GOD, walk away from it and leave it in the past.
.32.  Don’t hold him responsible for the shit-head behaviours of men from your past. Rather, explain your triggers.
.35.  Respect and value your time apart.
.39.  Take your word seriously if you want him to take you seriously.
.42.  Stay away from men who deal in drama, fault you for everything, and disrespect you in any way, shape or form.
.44.  His personality is not a diaper; don’t try to change it.
.45.  When a man shows you who he is, believe him. Especially when his message isn’t composite of everything nice.
.46.  Don’t be angry with him when other women throw themselves at him; trust him to do the right thing and to make it clear that he has a bona fide whom he respects.
.47.  Just because he’s at your boob, it doesn’t mean you have a free pass to mother him. If this is your inclination, you’re not with the right man or you’re not yet mature enough to be engaged with any man.
.48.  You’re not to police him. If he can’t keep his dick in his pants, this is not about you. It only becomes about you if you stick around long enough for him to step out on you again.
.50.  If his past is in the past, don’t bring it up as a means to punish him.
.51.  Don’t punish him for telling the truth.
.53.  Sex is neither reward nor punishment, but rather one of the most important means of communication between you and your man.
.55. Be responsible for your choices and decisions.
.56.  Did I mention? Have fun. All the time. As often as possible. In any way you can manage it.
.57. Break your own rules, if you think he’s a cut above the others. (But always within the confines of respecting yourself and him.)

Editorial Notes: The above came as a result of the interest generated by 31 Ways on How Not To Be A Cad (originally for men, at the request of men). Additionally, this weekend saw the beginning of a little Pinterest page to compliment these articles; you can find the above (including all missing) rules in the Gentlewoman’s Rules board.