What is that saying about knowing who our friends are in bad times?
I’m not so sure about that, anymore. Or, at least, I believe there is a footnote to that saying.
Of late, I’ve come to notice a certain trend that is maybe possibly far more disturbing that does not speak well of a “friend’s” intention to help us when we’re sad or miserable, by which I mean the times we want to throw glass objects at people and we must be restrained from updating our Facebook status to tag someone and declare “(insert name) <-- Is an ASS, because a-b-c-d...and here's photo evidence to said Truth (not to be confused with 't'ruth...)". I think the original saying holds when these friends share the good times, and also stick around for the bad times. That, I get; that, I believe is solid. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the friends who are only interested in seeing us when we're not happy. They're not down in sharing anything but our sorrows. It must be some kind of a fetish to only want to see us when we’re not happy; or, possibly, I am increasingly becoming convinced, it is rooted in an unconscious (or maybe a very conscious to them) dislike of us. Possibly, our happiness shines a spotlight on their need to compete with us and when we are happy, they feel as though they are losing? (Ugh. This is so grotesque, if this is the truth.)
The bottom line is that friendship is supposed to look like one thing and one thing only – even when I have felt as though I am in the pits of hell because I am such a drama queen, even when I have been heart-broken and miserable, when one of my best girls wanted to share in her brilliantly shining moment which may have been in direct opposite contrast to what I was living in that same moment, I. Am. There.
Even if being there makes me want to punch myself in my own heart, because I would rather be lying in a pool of my own self-pity, I. Am. There.
As are they.
Almost all of them.
Because the elevation and celebration of a friend, someone we are meant to love, does not come at the cost of our own sense of worth. And if it does, then we need to re-evaluate how we define our sense of security.
Look around you and I’m sure you’ll notice at least one or two people who have never ever been present when you have celebrated a win. Rather, they have only been present when you have been miserable, sad, confused, in some kind of despair. Either our sorrow is that which makes them feel good, or at the very least, it makes them feel better not to share in our happiness.
No matter which way you cut it – it does not bode well.
On a related note, Spring’s here and it’s time to clean.
Nailed it.
I imagine people gravitate towards you for your bright energy so if people don’t want to be there unless it’s dimmed, get the eff out of dodge of that friendship.
Steve
PS drama. BOo hiss.