Moving to be with your partner; how far would you go, ho?

July 2, 2014 - Mindful Relationships - Tagged: , , , , , , , , - 39 comments

A former colleague recently spent some time in my office telling me about her new piece. I shall call this friend ‘Green’.

Piece resides in Texas, and so Green’s first (because there is a second) concern was their fear rooted in that Piece resides in Texas, and what? Should Green move? What about Green’s career? What about Green’s life? Friends? Family? Whaaaaaaaat about every other reason under the moon as reason not to give Piece a real and honest shot? (Piece, by the way, has an ailing mumma in their town.)

My advice was to just get on with it; that when you find someone with whom you have a serious and palpable connection — if they are free and available — just go for it. Grapple with them, hitch a piggy-back ride…whatever. Just do it, already, and then appreciate every single moment you have with this person and recognize that connections really and truly deeply are rarely made, and that many people continue to be in situations where the connection has waned, never truly was, and/or never will be.

Don’t worry about geography, unless they live in the DRC or maybe Islamabad, or Yemen right now, or India under Modi as a Muslim, and/or a farmer. If there is nothing tying you to your current spot, like an ailing parent, little seedlings, or a condition for which you must receive regular medical attention and can not in this other part of the world, then just take a deep breath and let yourself free fall.

As a woman with no responsibilities but those concerning myself and the duty I owe my parents, I understand it is far easier for me to say this than others. I will also continue to actively maintain my current level at work and choose not to move upwards (forcing me to boss people around) because I wish to always keep open the possibility of working remotely – something I can not do if anyone reports to me. Reality stands though that today, in this place, with healthy parents and a good job and a crazy amazing circle of friends with whom I am deeply in love (and a much larger one of lovely acquaintances), and a little property, I would set everything aside to bust over and play board games in bed all day with the right man, in Swahagalugoo.

This is a part of my crazy in love leanings. I will burn it all down for the right and good man.

Ultimately, I don’t think anything is impossible, or should be impossible when you meet the right person, someone with whom you connect on every level starting at the physical, winding its way through to your moral foundations, your sense of humour, your ability to communicate, and your approaches to problem solving. Someone who leads with kindness, and respect for you as a human first, a lover second. Someone who

(Communicate! Sex one another lots! Listen to your partner! Have a dance party! Go to bed angry and take it out there so you don’t say anything stupid, you morons! Deal with it in the morning after you’ve had a few goes at one another physically and you’re feeling connected and satiated and you have a clear head (“don’t go to sleep angry” = worst. advice. ever. || “go to sleep angry, have the sexing, then wake up and deal with it” = best. advice. ever.) Simple. Simple. Simple. Life should be simple when it’s not complicated and traumatic and doesn’t always need to be dramatic, though drama is actually fun when both individuals are lunatics. LUNATIC!! CALL ME!! And ‘complicated’ — outside of physical and/or emotional illness, or financial problems (which in many instances we can control) — really is a luxury here in this part of the world.)

Green’s second concern was that would this thing not work out, wouldn’t they come back to Ottawa with their tail between their legs? An astonishing question to me because I have never understood how anyone can feel shame when they open their hearts to love.

Sidebar: Not to be confused with an abusive love; then it’s not shame one should feel, but rather a sense of strength that they gave it a go, understood they deserved a loving union and not an abusive one, and then bowed out.

What possible shame is there in seeing someone and then:
– Thinking ‘Pretty sure I could sex you for a very long time while we make it through a really challenging obstacle course and have a laugh when we don’t want to punch one another in the opinion. And, you look like you can really cook and work a hammer’;
– Giving it a run for its money; and,
– Not having it work out?

How amazing is it to place your ass in a slingshot and sling yourself over to Swahalamalama in order to give this thing we call love a chance? I think it’s brilliant, and I love hearing stories about couples who did what they needed to do in order to be with one another (and didn’t spend the rest of their union lording it over the other one as some fucked up Trump Card of IOU).

As a single girl who is still waiting her turn to connect with one man (seriously, God…love of You! JUST ONE, ALREADY!), but who 98.03% of the time believes that this is only because I am in for some massive fella who will crush me with his love like a Wile Coyote boulder on my head, I am all for moving. I am all for getting out from beneath your fears, and pursuing your excellent sexer to the ends of the earth. Make it work. Live on less money because the happiest people don’t say that ‘time is money’ but rather that ‘love is worth it’. Do the impossible, as a team, to make it work.

Today, Green came into my office to tell me that our conversation had affected her. Today, she has a wee bit of diarrhea and also a ticket to visit Piece. I am lying about one of these things…but only one.

TEAM GREEN + PIECE!

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Stole the photo from the super fun site Couple Travelling.